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Straight, Gay, or Bi, Neal Boulton's BastardLife.com is the only online sex & relationships magazine for all of us.

Care Less Sex?

Hard Choices. In a poll of 3,139 female BastardLife readers, 41% of you said you put sex first. "He was well off, well endowed," Melinda G., of New York told us, "but not well skilled in bed. After awhile, the fabulous apartment and all the trappings just weren't enough for me so I moved on. My mother called me a fool. If she's right, then I'm a fool who's been having orgasms every since."

Bill R., of West Hollywood said, "Sometimes a hot body and a stunning cock just isn't enough, especially when he doesn't know what to do with it—or you. I was dating a man who was the envy of all of my friends. We lived in the perfect house, had perfect jobs, and more money than we knew what to do with. We were the perfect looking couple, like we belonged together. But after two years of it not being even close to perfect in bed, I broke up with him. My new boyfriend and I have something better than care less sex, we have intimacy. Intimacy that has nothing to do with his cock size, peck size, or his paycheck."

"My girlfriend was literally the most loyal person I'd ever met," Jennifer T., of Dallas, TX., told us, "a true best friend. As a lover though I was always left secretly longing for more. I was never satisfied. For several years I felt horribly guilty about this. I grew more and more isolated from my friends and family because I was sure they would accuse me of being superficial and shallow because I always contemplated taking up a mistress or even leaving the relationship because of the sex. Eventually I did step out of the relationship, which only made me feel more guilting, until I began to experience both the friendship and the sex I was craving. It was hard to leave her, but ultimately I did and have been happily monogamous with my current girlfriend for nearly five years because of it."—C.D.

By Neal Boulton at 11:38AM on November 06, 2014

The Giver's Gift


My new girlfriend gave me some high praise the other night after we were intimate. Sometimes at the expense of my own pleasure, I've always been a giver in bed: I make sure she climaxes before I let myself do. Making and watching someone else reach that peak of pleasure is what excites me. In fact, if, and this is rare, I can't bring a woman to orgasm I don't try harder and harder, I just cum and politely go. But way more often than not, I deliver. But that's not the best part. My trick is making a woman cum by going down her. I'm gifted at cunnilingus—always have been. And just as she starts to climax, I push myself inside of her and begin intercourse, making, she always says, her orgasm extend far longer than either by oral or intercourse alone. And it's only after that long orgasm she has, and often a second one, that I allow myself to climax. The result is bliss—for both of us.

By Neal Boulton at 9:46AM on November 05, 2014

The Condom Cure?

Clocking In. Using a condom to prevent a rapid climax is about as old as the history of condoms. "I'll take intercourse without a condom any day," Matthew F., of New York told BastardLife, "but the added benefit of using them with girls I don't know is that I can impress them with a longer session because I'm wearing one."

The science here is simple: putting a thin layer of latex between the penis and whomever you are having intercourse with lessens the stimulation of the nerve endings, thereby delaying climax. "You can forget about one of my porn star four hour sessions though if I'm not wearing one, "David L., of Santa Cruz, CA said. "And expect an even shorter session if I'm condomless and I haven't had sex in awhile."

For some men, achieving climax with a condom on is nealry impossible, as are erections, because of the inherent pleasure-reducing nature of the condom itself, especially for men who are used to intercourse without them. "Before my wife and I split," Eric J., of Bangor, MA told us, "I hadn't used a condom in ten years. Then we split and I started dating again and, naturally, started using condoms. To my horror, for the first year of being back on the market, every time I'd slip on a condom my erection would disappear, or worse, I'd keep it but never be able to climax."

For men who have Premature Ejaculation Syndrome, know that there is no scientific evidence it is caused by over-sensitive nerve endings in the penis, thus condoms are not a cure for that condition. In fact, studies have shown that men with PE have the same sensitivity in their penis that men without PE have.

"Thing is though," Daniel E., of Miami who has PE explained, "I have extended the amount of time I can have intercourse to the point where my PE is no longer an embarrassment thanks to condoms. They may not have cured me, but they sure have helped."—R.R.

By Neal Boulton at 5:14PM on October 11, 2014

Why Good is Bad


I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking and sex. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Johnny Carson

By Neal Boulton at 5:13PM on October 11, 2014

Milk Me

Mother Loads. "My partner and I are monogamous," Richard, a blond and chiseled Winklevoss-esque looking man in form-fitting Abercrombie & Fitch summer attire said as he drove me past his childhood home in Asbury Park, NJ. Pointing out of his window, he adds, "The blue house was mine. My room was that one on the top floor."

Karl, his nearly identical twin and partner of six years is sitting quietly in the passenger seat when he turns back to me and says, "We get tested regularly and are HIV negative. He's a top, I'm a bottom. It's always been that way."

"Despite that," Richard adds, talking to my reflection in his review mirror, "I use a condom when we fuck. But not because of safe sex or anything, it's because I have such a tremendous load when I cum that he says it takes hours for all of it come out of him after sex."

"I'll be sitting and watching television a few hours later," Karl says, "or even the next morning while I'm getting dressed for work and he's still seeping out of me."

"When I cum," Richard grins, "I shoot so hard I can feel the condom tip about to explode. It's wild."

"Well," Karl says later, hanging back a few steps as Richard leads us into the cafe where we'll have brunch, "he likes to brag about that. Luckily he can cum a few times a night. I give him one shot in my ass with a condom on, but the rest of those loads are for my mouth. And yeah, it's like drinking a tall glass of milk. All that's missing is the plate of homemade cookies my mother used to make."—K.R.

By Neal Boulton at 5:13PM on October 11, 2014

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