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Straight, Gay, or Bi, Neal Boulton's BastardLife.com is the only online sex & relationships magazine for all of us.

The Toothless Blowjob

Dental Damage. Like any other guy, I live for a good blowjob. Emphasis on "good." This is not the case with sex: I'll take bad sex over no sex. Why? There is no middle ground when talking cock sucking. That's because the mouth has two modes: lip mode and tooth mode. Each are separated by next to nothing—maybe one degree. That means that I love when your wet mouth wraps and glides and slides and sucks my penis, when I can feel your tongue working it. But I would rather walk away the moment your teeth start entering the picture. And ladies? They do—too often. Maybe you love the feeling of a penis inside your mouth so much that you forget to open your jaw just that one extra centimeter more. Whatever the reason, I can speak for all men when I beg you to think, not just about yourself, but us too. I speak for all men when I ask you for a toothless blowjob.—Stephan M., New York, NY

By Neal Boulton at 7:59PM on September 20, 2014

Why Good is Bad


I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking and sex. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Johnny Carson

By Neal Boulton at 7:58PM on September 20, 2014

The Condom Cure?

Clocking In. Using a condom to prevent a rapid climax is about as old as the history of condoms. "I'll take intercourse without a condom any day," Matthew F., of New York told BastardLife, "but the added benefit of using them with girls I don't know is that I can impress them with a longer session because I'm wearing one."

The science here is simple: putting a thin layer of latex between the penis and whomever you are having intercourse with lessens the stimulation of the nerve endings, thereby delaying climax. "You can forget about one of my porn star four hour sessions though if I'm not wearing one, "David L., of Santa Cruz, CA said. "And expect an even shorter session if I'm condomless and I haven't had sex in awhile."

For some men, achieving climax with a condom on is nealry impossible, as are erections, because of the inherent pleasure-reducing nature of the condom itself, especially for men who are used to intercourse without them. "Before my wife and I split," Eric J., of Bangor, MA told us, "I hadn't used a condom in ten years. Then we split and I started dating again and, naturally, started using condoms. To my horror, for the first year of being back on the market, every time I'd slip on a condom my erection would disappear, or worse, I'd keep it but never be able to climax."

For men who have Premature Ejaculation Syndrome, know that there is no scientific evidence it is caused by over-sensitive nerve endings in the penis, thus condoms are not a cure for that condition. In fact, studies have shown that men with PE have the same sensitivity in their penis that men without PE have.

"Thing is though," Daniel E., of Miami who has PE explained, "I have extended the amount of time I can have intercourse to the point where my PE is no longer an embarrassment thanks to condoms. They may not have cured me, but they sure have helped."—R.R.

By Neal Boulton at 7:58PM on September 20, 2014

A New York State of Sex

Neal Boulton

I'll take the A train. I live in New York City, epicenter, I sometimes think, of anonymous sex. And when I feel the urge for some, I log on to one of my favorite hook up sites and, despite the fact that I prefer someone in or close to my neighborhood, I end up travelling at times far distances to get laid—usually because I am almost desperately horny.

And it is that almost desperately horny feeling that puts me in the same situation every time. 

What is that situation? Well, there are several of them actually. Here are a few: the men never look in person like they do in their little screen shots; the men lie about their age, and the men are never as endowed as they cite. Ok, those of us who do this often know these things regularly occur. But what also occurs is that the sex begins and ends in minutes, not hours or even half hours. There is never any chemistry (nor is chemistry expected), and even though I am a seasoned travel for sex guy—after I climax, I get that empty, almost depressed feeling about said empty sex.

Yes, when I get almost desperately horny I cave in and decide to hook up anonymously via the web. And yes, these encounters have their shortcomings. And yes, I often travel way out of my way to get laid. But the truth is, I'd have these same problems if the guys I met for sex where a flight of stairs below my apartment.—Terrance, NYC

By Neal Boulton at 7:56PM on September 20, 2014

Milk Me

Mother Loads. "My partner and I are monogamous," Richard, a blond and chiseled Winklevoss-esque looking man in form-fitting Abercrombie & Fitch summer attire said as he drove me past his childhood home in Asbury Park, NJ. Pointing out of his window, he adds, "The blue house was mine. My room was that one on the top floor."

Karl, his nearly identical twin and partner of six years is sitting quietly in the passenger seat when he turns back to me and says, "We get tested regularly and are HIV negative. He's a top, I'm a bottom. It's always been that way."

"Despite that," Richard adds, talking to my reflection in his review mirror, "I use a condom when we fuck. But not because of safe sex or anything, it's because I have such a tremendous load when I cum that he says it takes hours for all of it come out of him after sex."

"I'll be sitting and watching television a few hours later," Karl says, "or even the next morning while I'm getting dressed for work and he's still seeping out of me."

"When I cum," Richard grins, "I shoot so hard I can feel the condom tip about to explode. It's wild."

"Well," Karl says later, hanging back a few steps as Richard leads us into the cafe where we'll have brunch, "he likes to brag about that. Luckily he can cum a few times a night. I give him one shot in my ass with a condom on, but the rest of those loads are for my mouth. And yeah, it's like drinking a tall glass of milk. All that's missing is the plate of homemade cookies my mother used to make."—K.R.

By Neal Boulton at 7:56PM on September 20, 2014

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