Body Art, photography by Kim Joon. Stunning work for the serious collector. On sale now, and worth it.—N.B.
My first time
You've led a straight life, but more and more lately you find yourself interested in being intimate with men. One in particular, too. Now what?
Q: "I work on a cattle ranch in Montana where gay life is surprisingly not looked down upon, but where there just isn't alot of it around. I have always been lucky with girls (there aren't many of those either around where I live and work); but a man has appeared in my life from one of the other ranches and it is obvious that he is attracted to me. He's been cool about it, and discrete, but I have found myself so attracted and curious about taking the next step with him to the point of constant distraction. I just don't know how to handle this—I have never been intimate with a man. And does this mean I am gay?"—Steven, MT
A: Over 43% of single men in the U.S. who have been open and honest with their partners about having had homosexual experiences do not identify themselves as bisexual or homosexual. This is partly due to the way in which the need to identify as other than straight has relaxed. In many cases of out gay men between the ages of 25-35, 'coming out,' once the the largest rite of passage into gay life, is a non-event if it even happens at all. First, stay focused on the feelings you are having, rather than whether you are gay, straight, or bisexual. Take a private moment to remember that intimate desire is an experience to celebrate, not question, or judge yourself. In other words, don't fight it, follow your instincts and see what happens. Second, get practical—purchase the Joy of Gay Sex, and read up about safe sex as well. Many first time sexuality experiences include one to two unsafe sexual mistakes, so let your guard down enough to experience this amazing new feeling you have discovered, but keep your wits about you if and when the two of you become intimate.
Key Tip: Today, the need to label oneself is less important than it was in the past, freeing you to experience whatever you like without the pressure of identifying in or out of any group. Get plugged into the possibilities by reading more about your desire, in this case intimacy with a man. Let go, be safe, and enjoy.—N.B.
Photograph by Dennis Dean
Democratic adoration
The post Sex & the City girl (as in the kind who could give a shit about what boys think of them, and who care even less if they get married to one). In this poll of nearly 2000 of you who read BastardLife this week, over 83% voted Megan Fox as your Woman of the Year. Many of you cited "Hot, tough, and the fact that she will casually tell you how much she loves sex—in a way that suggests she is the one doing the conquering." Clearly our kind of girl.—N.B.
Intervention
You were one of his many conquests. He was a dog when he was with you. You want to confront him. Now what?
Q: I recently found out that the man I was with this spring was a dog. I admit we had no commitment and there were no strings attached. But I feel used and I just want to be the one girl out of the lot who stands up and lets him know how it feels to be played. How do I confront this man-whore?
A: Stiletto heals make great weapons, but there is no need to thrash him. Men are players, many women are too, but too often women deny their common sense about a man until after the sex. And then wish for what may never be—commitment, loyalty, and even love. First, if confronting him is a must, be sure to own your half of the street. Be honest with yourself and admit that you may have known, and even been turned on by the fact that your man was popular. And given that the two of you were single and not in a monogamous relationship, it is important that you restrict your confrontational remarks to how you feel now knowing what you do about him. Second, be careful not to judge him. Be hurt, angry even, that he has chosen to play the field over settling down with you, but save yourself the emotional hangover of spitting fire and nails and judging what he as a single man has a right to do.
Key Tip: Play it cool. Let him know it's his loss. But be honest about how you feel—and move on.—N.B.
The Suck Queen
Color Me Beautiful. "I am not a feminine gay man, nor is my husband of 13 years. We don't do drag or play dress up or camp around really at all. He is this tall, dark, and handsome Brazillian man with long thick hair that he slicks back. His body is that of a surfer—his cock that of a god. He lives to push me up against the wall by our pool, drop to his knees, look up to me, and devour my penis until I cum. But lately, he's turned me on even more by wearing black eyeliner and lipstick of all colors that his thick latin lips glide and grip my cock with as he sucks me off slowly—leaving me colorfully messy after, as if Marilyn Monroe must have left JFK. I laugh, because my man has turned into the hottest, buchest drag suck queen I've ever seen."—Elliot, Miami, FL.
Born in the U.S.A.
America Swings by Naomi Harris, Taschen. "These people are definitely having better sex than the rest of us."—Naomi Harris
In her new book, Naomi Harris, who has been published in Life, Fortune, Flaunt, and Heep magazines, presents us with the altnernative lifestyles of real Americans—without any glamour. But in doing so, Ms. Harris gives American sexuality a richer context and presents it, in it's raw beat up Levi jeans form, with even more sex appeal. Everyday folks, you might say, of all walks of life and desires live inside America Swings, thanks to Naomi, who celebrates without glorifying those who still make the most of life, liberty, and the pursuit of sexual happiness. On sale now and worth it.—N.B.
Just friends?
She is one of your closest friends, but more and more lately you want to sleep with her. Now what?
Q: My best girlfriend and I are bisexual and have been close for years. We share our boy stories and our girl stories with each other. But my problem lately is that I crave her...and want to sleep with her. Badly. I don't want to be a cliché but can two women like us really just be friends?—Laura, WV.
A: Contrary to the notion that women are from Venus and men are from Mars, women also face this age old question. First, you many not be alone. Often in close relationships where one of you has become amorous, the other may well be feeling the same way, which is why it is critical that you to take a reprieve and not judge yourself. The key is to emancipate yourself from what can become the cause for more tension within the friendship down the road. Second, if you fear that she has no idea and the desire is not mutual, be sure to present your feelings in a way that will not be mistaken as a come-on. Kudos if after telling her you both fall into each others arms finally; but let that moment come to you if it is meant to be. In the meantime, share your feelings clearly and with maturity so that the two of you can begin moving forward, hopefully in the direction you wish for.
Key Tip: Win your freedom by being honest with yourself—and your friend.—N.B.
In a BastardLife world
Two toned. This summer, do it with more sunscreen doll.—R.T.
Is your girl a guy?
"My girlfriend obsesses about the women I bedded when we were apart briefly. For me, it was nothing. They were fun lays, but merely me killing time until we got back together. Why does everyone think that just because we are women, sex is any more than it is for a man. Bed post notches—it's possible for us, too. And besides, none of them compared with my honey who thankfully is back in my arms for good!" —Roxan, NYC
Fresh fruit
An apple a day. "My girlfriend and I have been what we call 'married' for over a decade and there have been years where we were intimate often, then years where we weren't. During the weeks when we weren't having enough sex, one of us, or both of us, would get grumpy and we'd usually end up being short and snippy with each other or arguing about something stupid. A distance would grow between us. Eventually, we got it—and now we don't go a day without being intimate. It doesn't have to be full on porn perfect, but we make sure—we at least fool around. Our marriage has never been better. Through the loss of jobs and less money, or hell having tons of money, or in sickness and in health, getting it on each day has been the key. I once leaned in and asked my grandfather who is still alive and happily married, "What's the real secret to why you and Grandma are so happy?" He grinned and winked at me as he slapped her ass." Amen—Wendy, Bakersfield, CA
Welcome to your mobile ready sex & relationships magazine online. Straight, bi, or gay, BastardLife welcomes all of your intimate interests. We want you to read, look, comment—or subscribe to receive daily updates and exchange messages with our editors. It's easy and it's free. Have a sex & relationship question? Or an experience you want to share? Send it to us, and we'll address it in You Ask We Advise. Until then, stay hot, be safe, and enjoy.—N.B.
