Bastard Life

Tuned on

Neal Boulton — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 10:17:00 -0800

Grace Slick. "The first time I picked up my girlfriend's guitar I was blown away by how heavy it was. The fact that she fronts a band, and throws her body all over the stage singing with this thing on is a huge turn on. I've played guitar for over a decade, too, so I love to tune it up for her before she goes out. When I do, thinking of her sweaty hot rock and roll body all over mine after the show, it gets me good and wet."-Grace, Seattle, WA

Rodeo studs

Neal Boulton — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 17:30:00 -0800

She's all I ever wanted. "My girl doesn't make me work for a thing when we are intimate. I know it sounds piggish and I would feel guilty, if it weren't for her when she says, 'Just lay back and enjoy the ride.' Sometimes I want to throw her over and just start making love to her in a million different positions. But she won't have it. 'Oh, I love what I do, and I'm glad it does it for you, but it's just what I like. If you didn't like it as much as I did, I'd feel selfish.' All I can say is, if your girl really means it when she says she's a top-I can relate, because that's what I have on my hands here. It's like watching a rodeo star who goes way past the 8 second trophy mark-on you."-Bo, Reno, Nevada

We salute you

Neal Boulton — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 08:34:00 -0700

BastardLife salutes all the women who are out there defending this country-who have left their partners, their kids, and their careers so that you and me can be here safe and sound...and free.-C.D.

To suck-or devour

Neal Boulton — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:57:33 -0700

“I want to learn to give head like a man,” she said. “Tell me how it’s different.” In a drunken moment of openness, I had told her about my bisexual past, a youthful experiment that I was growing out of in my early thirties. Usually, when I was trying to pick up women in bars, I kept this information to myself. A lot of women were turned off by a man who’d had sex with other men, but then, once in a while, the truth crept out, and luckily, this particular woman-Tracie was her name-was intrigued, wanted to know all about it, was obviously turned on by the very idea. I supposed that one of the reasons my secret had slipped out was because we were getting along so well, and my guard was down. We were both singing along animatedly when an old song by the Smiths came on the jukebox, and the topic of conversation had very casually taken a turn from the singer Morrissey’s alleged asexuality to sexual orientation in general.

When I’d admitted to having had bisexual experiences, she asked me whether men or women gave better blow jobs, and I said-because it’s generally true-that beyond a doubt, men do. A man knows what it feels like to receive a blow job, and so it’s obvious that a man would have a better instinct about how to give one. It was clear to me that this got Tracie’s feminist dander up. She was very competitive, she said, and thought she should be able to learn to do this as well as any man could, despite the drawback of not having a penis of her own. Besides that, she’d been told by men that she was very good at it, but as far as she knew, none of those men had ever gotten head from another man. So the challenge was on, and I took her back to my apartment to discuss it further.

It was a short walk from the Greenwich Village bar to my place in Chelsea. We laughed and flirted all the way up 7th Avenue, talking about our lives, getting to know one another. She was a copy editor, and I was a techie doing various types of freelance computer work from programming to web design. She was a native New Yorker, and I was originally from Alabama. Her father was South American, which explained the slightly ambiguous ethnicity that I found exotic and interesting about her. Along the way, we made fun of people we saw who were dressed poorly or acting bizarre, such as one typically sees on a Friday night in Manhattan. A casual observer would have thought we were old pals, would never have guessed that we just met an hour before in a bar. When I opened the door to my apartment, though, I immediately came back to the reason we were here-a lesson in giving a blow job like a man.

“First of all,” I told her as I flicked on the lights, “you have to really want it, and not like you want a piece of candy. It’s not a lollipop. You have to want it like you want a piece of steak. You have to be ravenous for it. Typically, women suck cock. Men devour it.”

“An interesting distinction,” she said. “But no teeth, of course...”-Robert Peregrine

Free at last

Neal Boulton — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 09:40:14 -0800

One of the Many. Hollywood, California's "TechBabe," is one: a self proclaimed hot-tech-geek-chic who has managed to stay employed in the usually boring and balls only world of IT says she's, "...grown some pretty thick skin, learned a great deal about the male psyche and has pretty much confirmed that men are the weaker sex." With goals of revolutionizing the technology industry from staid to rock and roll, TechBabe proved her prowess by celebrating today's inauguration day with a special treat for us. Let's just say she's feeling a little smoother and a lot happier today.-N.B.

Democratic adoration

Neal Boulton — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 20:35:14 -0800

Men, not Metrosexuals, make a comeback. In a poll of over 2000 (out of the 80,000) of you who read BastardLife this week, over 72% voted Johnny Depp as your Man of the Year. We won't bore you with his competition-as you clearly don't see him as having much. Suffice it to say though that Brad Pitt was below fourth on your wish list. Stay tuned for tomorrow's Women of the Year results.-N.B.

Bi any other name

Neal Boulton — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 11:17:52 -0800

"It`s true - I am a bisexual. But I can`t deny that I`ve used that fact very well. I suppose it`s the best thing that ever happened to me. Fun, too."-David Bowie

And now, live from the world of Wikipedia:

"...Bisexual chic is a phrase sometimes used to describe the public acknowledgement of bisexuality among various segments of society. In some cases the phrase can be considered pejorative, when used to trivialize or dismiss genuine feelings of same-sex attraction, especially if those expressing these thoughts continue to exhibit otherwise hetero normative behaviors.

One usage of the phrase describes increased public interest in bisexuality, or increased social acceptance of bisexuality. This usage is usually associated with a celebrity coming out as bisexual or being labeled as bisexual, or with a high-profile reference to bisexuality in popular culture media, like a cover article of a magazine.

The other main usage describes a faddish attention towards bisexuality. This usage is also limited in scope, as it fails to provide relevant content of what it means to be bisexual, to give context to the legitimacy of bisexuality as an orientation, and even to convey a full understanding of bisexuality..."

People, is it more taboo to be bi than gay? The Wikipedia commentary of 'bisexual chic' is as confused as those who hate bi's think we are. Funny, because while the neighbors and colleagues all sat in judgement, or in their own confusion, or sighed at how confused they thought I must be-I was having the time of my life. Bi is real, gay is real, straight is real. And on Bastardlife, you can dip and dab in as many of them as you like. Be safe and enjoy.-N.B.

LV&M

Neal Boulton — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 13:01:46 -0800

From Fashionologie.com. On line now, and worth it.-N.B.

The casting for the Spring 2009 Louis Vuitton campaign? Blame it on a Madonna concert. The night before Marc Jacobs had a brainstorming meeting, he had attended a Madonna concert in Paris: "I was totally just blown away by it, and moved by her performance, by what she had to say, and her energy." He emailed Madonna on his BlackBerry right then and there, and within five minutes came the reply: "I'd love to."

As rumored, Madonna was indeed captured in six images at Figaro in LA by Steven Meisel, marking the end of a six year partnership between the brand and photographers Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott. This seems to be the first of many collaborations between Meisel and Louis Vuitton - Antoine Arnault, the brand's director of communications - said it's "very probable" the association will continue. As for the rumored $10 million fee Madonna commanded? Arnault dismissed it as "absurd": "It’s very far away from that."-Fashionologie.com

In a recession, just stay in bed!

Neal Boulton — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 17:59:17 -0800

Calvin Klein underwear. So hot all you'll want to do is take them off. Get your pair now.-N.B.

Special advertisement.

Morning after music

Neal Boulton — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 05:29:02 -0800

Don't let the moment go. Take it in-and hold on.-N.B

After Ash and Mazzy Star, check out more morning after music right here, like Radio Head's Creep.