Powder blue was the color of the afternoon: Napkins, tablecloths, floral arrangements, all worthy of such descriptive terms as "sky" or "robin's egg." There was a point, of course, to the pastel overload - it was all to welcome Todd and Luke's newly arrived baby boy, Diego. I found my place card on a round table at the catered welcoming ceremony and settled myself next to a ruddy-faced angel with thick curls falling into his eyes.
He set a tumbler of what looked like whiskey on the table and held out his right hand.
"Declan's the name," he said, revealing traces of an Irish brogue.
"Hey, I'm Noah," I smiled. Excellent seating plan, I noted, telling myself to thank Todd and Luke later on.
As I suspected, Declan proved an entertaining table mate, his stories and quips getting more over-the-top with every refill of his tumbler. Conversation didn't lag for a second; particularly not after Todd and Luke stopped by our table to show off the tiny, blanketed Diego. When they walked away, Declan pulled at his shirt collar and leaned in close.
"Is it true they're not circumcising the boy?" Declan asked, his voice low and raspy.
"I don't know," I answered, truthfully. "I mean, it's not a medical necessity, is it?"
Declan's eyes rolled. "No, but for chrissakes, it's not a bad idea," he said, and went on for the next fifteen minutes proving his point: According to Declan (and a lot of other people), there are significant health benefits associated with circumcision; among them, reduced incidence of penile cancer, less risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases, and the absence of phimosis, a painful condition where scar tissue forms, making it difficult to retract the foreskin.
"Sure, lots of guys who weren't circumcised when they were born go on and get it done now," said Declan.
"I've heard that," I nodded. "But I don't know if I could just go in to some random general practice nurse and have her slice away down there," I shrugged.
"Nah, sod that," Declan laughed. "You go to some high-class plastic surgeon and have him artfully resculpt your member, you know.
"And what about all that?" I asked. For some reason, Declan was the kind of guy who made you feel like he knew what he was talking about. "Genital plastic surgery for men. I mean, what're the risks?"
"Well, I don't really know," Declan said. "But I did know a man who got his resized, and he lost all sensation in it from then on."
I couldn't help it; I shuddered visibly.
Declan laughed. "Tragic, eh? Luckily, circumcision is about as risk-free as you can get." He wiggled his eyebrows meaningfully. "So when will you make an appointment?"
"Oh no, that's not something I have to worry about," I grinned, smugly, and spread my powder-blue napkin on my lap.
"My last name is Rosenthal."—N.R.
