Bastard Life

It could happen

Neal Boulton — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 11:58:00 -0800

Is it you?

Neal Boulton — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 15:16:22 -0700

...who feels Brad is still a bit hot?

Or is it us?

Neal Boulton — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 15:08:49 -0700

...who feels Angelina is by far still the hottest dame on the planet?

Simple Sex Reminders & Other Military Strategies

Neal Boulton — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 14:27:22 -0700

Q: What really is an erection?

We asked our Doctor-Dr. Glenn Richard, M.D.:

A: Easy one-but a good one given that eating well, drinking less, and not smoking will give you a bigger and harder and more frequent one.

Erections: Specialized tissues in the shaft of the penis trap blood (smoking, and excess alcohol lessen the amount of blood the shaft of the penis can trap by up to 80 percent in one night). The trapped blood increases the pressure within the penis and causes it to lengthen and then become firm.

Q: How firm can I really get the night I plan to have sex if I abstain from excess alcohol or drugs or the things that lessen blood flow?

A: Firm enough to change the world-or someone else's. It's been said that both Napoleon and Genghis Khan were both woefully under-endowed. I’m not saying this has anything to do with their desire to rule the world...but so the cliché goes.

Q: If Genghis Khan was truly under-endowed, what effect did that have on his military tactics?

A: Difficult to assess. Khan’s Mongol military were effective at siege warfare, cutting off resources for cities and towns by diverting certain rivers, taking enemy prisoners and driving them in front of the army, and adopting new ideas, techniques and tools from the people they conquered, particularly in employing Muslim and Chinese siege engines and engineers to aid the Mongol cavalry in capturing cities. Also one of the standard tactics of the Mongol military was the commonly practiced feigned retreat, to break enemy formations and to lure small enemy groups away from the larger group and defended position for ambush and counterattack.

Q: So what happens when I go flaccid?

A: Following orgasm or the withdrawal of sexual stimulation, the process is reversed. Blood flows out of the penis, fast, and back into your circulation so the penis becomes soft-lessening your chances of conquering the world.

Shallow Pockets-Stronger Urge

Neal Boulton — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 13:50:25 -0700

It appears the financial crisis has yet to grip anonymous online sex site Manhunt.com. When the New York Press reported that Manhunt, easily the Internet’s most popular “dating" resource for men looking for a hookup, saw record membership when this “prolonged recession” started, we asked our friend Tim, a former AIG on Wall Street lifer, now exploring new life options, to check it out.

“The site is free,” he says. “But non-members only get five e-mails to send and five e-mails to receive a day. When they pay a monthly membership ($10-$12), they get unlimited chatting capabilities, can post up to 12 photos and can view naked shots full size instead of as thumbnails. This, of course, is great, as my eyes aren’t what they used to be-but my sex drive is shooting through the roof right now.”

So many finance types were in major need, according to Ken Herron, Manhunt’s chief of marketing, that the site recorded three times as many new memberships than usual on Sept. 29, when the stock market fell 700 points in under an historic record of four hours. It was the best single day in their entire history.

Was it depression sex? It’ll be interesting to see. “My father was conceived on October 30, 1929,” says Tim. “But I think my grandfather was just horny-like me given the circumstances."

They had 11 kids.