You're here, you're queer, and you're used to it—but more and more you find yourself desiring women. Now what?
Q: I'm in a funny position: I'm a guy and my sex life has been mostly with men—but more and more I want to be intimate with women. Only problem is that I've never actually had sex with women and I don't have any female friends "with benefits" to mess around with. How do I go about embarking on meeting (and hopefully sleeping) with women as a newly bisexual man?—Gary, Burlington, VT
A: For some, the notion of crossing the sexuality border to "the other side" is rarely entertained (either from gay to bi, or from straight to gay, or any derivation thereof) while for others, not only do fantasies about it abound, taking action upon them is a necessity for sexual fulfillment. But just as exploring new intimate experiences is more and more common as the stigma around homosexual or bisexual life lessons, the urge to deny oneself the object of their interest is still very much with us. First, take action and get out there—with honesty and a thick skin. Pursuing women is like auditioning—you'll be rejected far more often than you'll be chosen for the role. By being honest about your sexuality you will double that rejection—but when you score, it will be heaven because who you are will be celebrated by both of you. Second, broaden your social network, by means of clubs, events, and interfacing with like minded people online through vehicles like Facebook and Twitter. Before you know it, you will be guiding others through the same kind of sexuality exploration. Finally, there is no wrong way to pursue the women you want to meet—only your way. If a casual liason is what you seek—be clear about it. Someone to teach you the ropes? Be honest about that too. The worst anyone can say is no—and if you've ever watched Sex & The City you know we aren't living in the 50's anymore, so go for it and see what happens.
Key Tip: Go and get what you want, regardless of your past, present, or future.
