Neal Boulton's BastardLife

In Your Wake

Neal Boulton — Mon, 06 May 2013 09:03:35 EDT

Dating is a sport for you, but some people judge you for burning through men like a wildfire. Now What?

Q: "Many of my girlfriends are starting to get married and have babies. I've been told to 'settle down,' or to stop being 'so picky,' and to 'find one man' to settle down with. But I have no interest in that. I enjoy living the single life and I'm having fun. It's obvious some of the women around me think I sleep around too much, but I don't want to get married until I'm done with this fun single stage of my life. How can I explain this without sounding like a slut?"-Julia E., Houston, TX

A: The women some consider slutty turn out to be the kind BastardLife readers consider smart. Here's why. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce-and that's among couples that were possibly sure marriage was the next right step. So why allow yourself to be pushed into marriage if you are as articulate as Julia about why it's not time?

Gina from San Francisco told us, "I married too young. I was in love. It seemed like the right thing. But I hadn't lived yet. As a result, I strayed. I wanted to see what other men were like, what other sexual experiences were like. It was a great thrill, cheating, and experiencing other kinds of sex-but, naturally, it resulted in me breaking my young husband's heart and moving on."

Thomas from Detroit said, "After the honeymoon is over, marriage can become 'work.' And if you're not done exploring your sexuality, having sex with other people is just inevitable."

"I was monogamous the entire time I was married," Taylor told BastardLife, "but I just hadn't been with enough people to know why I was sexually dissatisified in my marriage. Eventually, we divorced and I started dating. I was blown away by how great sex could be. I really found my sexual self in the, sometimes lonely, dating scene. Now I'm happily married, most of the time, but 100% sexually satisifed with my mate because I waited to find out who I was in bed and otherwise."

Key Tip: You're ready when you're ready; until then, leave as many in your wake as you need to.-N.B.

Low Hanging Fruit

Neal Boulton — Sun, 05 May 2013 11:48:36 EDT

“

When my boyfriends fuck me, I've begun to pull open my ass cheeks so that I can feel his balls slap against my anus when we are in a missionary position and I raise my legs into the air. And when we do it doggy style, I beg him to go hard and fast so that his balls slap my clit. I don't know when I noticed that I loved this, but somewhere along the way I discovered it and now I kind of live for it. The lower the hanging fruit, the harder it slaps me where I like it. Heaven if you can find it."

”Alison M. New York City, NY

Dian Hanson Strikes Again

Neal Boulton — Sun, 05 May 2013 10:59:54 EDT

It doesn't get much better than, well, anything Dian Hanson gets behind, or in front of. Whether breasts in the The Big Book of Breasts, cocks in The Big Penis Book, legs in The Big Book of Legs, or asses in The Big Butt Book-Hanson defines what Taschen does best: deliver indelible photography and erudite writing about intimate topics readers like us can't get enough of. What better way to close out her popular series? Yes-with her new female pudendum tome The Big Book of Pussy. On sale now and worth it.-N.B.

She's Still Got It

Neal Boulton — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 07:25:37 EDT

Those Golden Years. "Don't believe for a moment that great lovemaking is only a young man's game. My wife and I have been at it for the past sixty years. Yes, she and I are physically different than we were when we were younger-we look and feel differently. But the sex itself, the way if feels, is better than when we were in our twenties. In fact, the two of us still have sex two or three times a week. Of course I am grateful for drugs like Viagra-but those drugs don't create desire or make intercourse feel a certain way. And the wonderful thing is that age has not taken that desire away from me, or made intercourse somehow not as good. So to the young men and women reading BastardLife, just know that gaining age does not diminish sexual pleasure. Now if only I had the energy I did when I was a young man."-Harold, Lincoln, NE

Fucking Foods

Neal Boulton — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 09:38:51 EDT

Yes, you can eat your way to a better orgasm. But not just that way; rather, with foods that intensify lubrication for women, and circulation for harder erections for men.

Avacados
This vitamin E-packed treat enables your body churn out hormones like testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone, which circulate in your bloodstream and strengthen sexual responses like clitoral swelling and vaginal lubrication.

Hot Chilies
Capsaicin, a chemical found in hot peppers, intensifies circulation to get your blood pumping and stimulate your nerve endings so you'll feel more-and thus, more turned on.

Bananas
Sure this phallus-shaped fruit makes you think about him, but another reason to savor them is because bananas deliver potassium, a nutrient key to muscle strength. So when you orgasm, the contractions will be super intense.

Oysters
A sex cliché? Yep, but for good reasons: Oysters can absolutely get you in the mood. How? These sensual shellfish are brimming with zinc, a mineral that cranks up the production of testosterone, which has been linked to a higher sex drive.

Chocolate
Cocoa contains a chemical called phenylethylamine, which is a stimulant that instills the warm kinds of feelings that create sexual desire.

Red Wine
Unlike beer or hard liquor, which can reduce sexual performance, red wine contains resveratrol, an antioxidant that helps boost blood flow and improves circulation before and during intercourse.

Pomegranates
The pomegranate's sexual power comes from its antioxidants, which protect the lining of blood vessels, allowing more blood to course through them. How do you benefit? Increased genital sensitivity.

Salmon
Whether with cream cheese in the morning or as a steak for dinner, this healthy fish is packed with omega-3 fatty acids, which keep sex-hormone production at its peak.

Vanilla
Dont' feel guilty about those late night ice cream sessions. When what your devouring is flavored with this sweet bean it can mildly stimulate your nerves, intensifying sexual sensations.

What makes these foods even better? Letting your naked partner feed them to you.-R.T.

Gear Shifting

Neal Boulton — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 08:50:47 EDT

“

No matter what position we're in, the key to my intercourse happiness is all in the different speeds of his thrusts. For me, when he speeds up, then slows down, then shoves in deep and stays for a moment longer, then pulls out really far, then speeds up... I could go on. It's just that I find it boring when it's five positions at the same pounding speed. Sure, if you sense I'm about to climax-feel free to pound away to finish me off, but I could lay on my back most of the night as long as he shifts gears a lot.

”Beth C., New York City

Old Lessons

Neal Boulton — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 09:20:56 EDT

Excessive alcohol use has long been recognised as one cause of impotence, leading to the euphemism brewer's droop. Shakespeare even made light of this phenomenon in Macbeth, the play he wrote in the early 1600s.

"It makes me horny," George from Baltimore told BastardLife, "but it doesn't help me in bed. There have even been times I literally can't get it up after too much beer and too many shots-even though I wasn't what I would consider drunk."

Judging from a poll of 4,129 BastardLife readers, it seems George is not alone. 43% of you told us that too much beer, or wine, or liquor and you either had a hard time maintaining an erection, or climaxing-or you couldn't do either.

27% of you told us that it hardly effected you when you were in your twenties, but that as you got older, it began to effect you more.

"When I was 28 or 29, I never paid any attention to how much I'd had to drink before sex," Eric of Seattle said, "but now that I'm in my forties, if I drink hard there is no way I'm going to be as hard as I want to be."

If only we had heeded Shakespear's advice when he wrote, "It provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance."-N.B.

Two & One

Neal Boulton — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 20:34:00 EDT

In your threesome, all you want to do is keep going with her. But you fear your boyfriend is getting jealous. Now what?

Q: I'm a bisexual man, and so is my boyfriend. We are lucky to have one of the hottest women I have ever seen in our threesome. Problem is, I've been greedy, and not interested in sharing her with him. I have to work hard to employ my manners and yield so that my boyfriend can have more time with me and her when we three are having sex. How can I negotiate this one?-David E., New York City

A: Yes, bisexuality is fun, but to live a bisexual life, and to have threesomes that include someone with whom you are in a long-term relationship guarantees one thing no matter how evolved you are: jealousy.

The good news? Like with any emotion, or feeling that is part of sexual negotiation, communication is the great elixir-if you abandon all judgement.

First, a few days before the next sexual encounter-not during sex, and not while everyone is getting undressed-sit down and bring up what you are experiencing in a non-threatening way.

Second, find out what he is experiencing. Is he actually jealous? Turned off? Not as into it as you? Maybe he wants to be with her longer, too. Let's face it-intercourse feels good, no matter how polite you are, so of course it's hard to stop.

Finally, work out your threesome rules, and a plan, and stick to it. Agree on either a physical or verbal way to let each other know when it's time to switch positions-and don't break those rules.

Key Tip: Jealousy is par for the bisexual course, but something that with some agreements up front can be tempered so that you can all have a great time and less stress later.-C.D.

Good Technique?

Neal Boulton — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 08:24:37 EST

“

I take full responsibility for my orgasm; if I'm having sex with a woman, I make sure to guide her to the ways to give me one. If she's not getting it, I speak up and make sure she does, "Here, harder there, like that, yeah, there, don't stop." I'm not a bitch about it, but I make sure I walk away happy-and that she does, too. Sure, good sex is about good technique, but I can promise you it's far more about good communication."

”Carla F., New York City

Hurt So Good?

Neal Boulton — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 11:27:40 EST

When ouch does not necessarily mean no. In a recent poll of 6,419 BastardLife readers, 43% admitted enjoying a spanking during climax.

"It's not out right painful when you're cumming-it's a combination of numbing and titillating with just the smallest tingle of hot pain," Julie from Arizona told us.

22% of you let us know you were very curious about spankings but had yet to ask for one out of fear of your partner's reaction.

I love it," Lauren from New York City said, "but I have yet to ask my current girlfriend to do it to me yet because we only just started dating. Soon I'm going to tell her just what to do. The key is, as soon as I start to cum, start lightly slapping my ass, increase the intensity of your slaps as my climax increases. Slow it down to lighter as I start to wind down. Simple."

A small percentage of you said the last spanking you got was from your mother decades ago and you saw no reason for another one.-N.B..