You enjoy masturbating in the morning. It's your one quiet private pleasure. But he doesn't get it. Now what?
Q: I find masturbating a soothing and calming activity that centers me for the day. I have a great sex life with my husband, but he doesn't like knowing that I still pleasure myself alone. I think he thinks I turn into some kind of inert mannequin with no human desires—beyond him—after he has sex with me. In fact, he often says, "We just had sex last night, why would you need to do that!?!"—Elizabeth, Greenwich, CT.
A: Chances are your partner is feeling insecure about your level of sexual satisfaction. His ego may be bruised suspecting he is not pleasuring you properly or sufficiently. First, be honest with yourself; masturbating is a great form of tension release and an even better form of pleasure, but if you are not getting what you need, search those feelings and make sure to ask for what you want in bed. Second, make it clear how happy you are with your partner's sexual range and ability to pleasure you well before the next time you are both intimate. Communicate how this is about you deepening your private time away from family, home, and work, and not a compensation for something lacking in your life.
Key Tip: You're not a mannequin, you're human—and it's your right to have your orgasm any way, any how, and any time you want it.—N.B.