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Straight, Gay, or Bi, Neal Boulton's BastardLife.com is the only online sex & relationships magazine for all of us.

Milk Me

Mother Loads. "My partner and I are monogamous," Richard, a blond and chiseled Winklevoss-esque looking man in form-fitting Abercrombie & Fitch summer attire said as he drove me past his childhood home in Asbury Park, NJ. Pointing out of his window, he adds, "The blue house was mine. My room was that one on the top floor."

Karl, his nearly identical twin and partner of six years is sitting quietly in the passenger seat when he turns back to me and says, "We get tested regularly and are HIV negative. He's a top, I'm a bottom. It's always been that way."

"Despite that," Richard adds, talking to my reflection in his review mirror, "I use a condom when we fuck. But not because of safe sex or anything, it's because I have such a tremendous load when I cum that he says it takes hours for all of it come out of him after sex."

"I'll be sitting and watching television a few hours later," Karl says, "or even the next morning while I'm getting dressed for work and he's still seeping out of me."

"When I cum," Richard grins, "I shoot so hard I can feel the condom tip about to explode. It's wild."

"Well," Karl says later, hanging back a few steps as Richard leads us into the cafe where we'll have brunch, "he likes to brag about that. Luckily he can cum a few times a night. I give him one shot in my ass with a condom on, but the rest of those loads are for my mouth. And yeah, it's like drinking a tall glass of milk. All that's missing is the plate of homemade cookies my mother used to make."—K.R.

By Neal Boulton at 11:07AM on November 07, 2013

The Condom Cure?

Clocking In. Using a condom to prevent a rapid climax is about as old as the history of condoms. "I'll take intercourse without a condom any day," Matthew F., of New York told BastardLife, "but the added benefit of using them with girls I don't know is that I can impress them with a longer session because I'm wearing one."

The science here is simple: putting a thin layer of latex between the penis and whomever you are having intercourse with lessens the stimulation of the nerve endings, thereby delaying climax. "You can forget about one of my porn star four hour sessions though if I'm not wearing one, "David L., of Santa Cruz, CA said. "And expect an even shorter session if I'm condomless and I haven't had sex in awhile."

For some men, achieving climax with a condom on is nealry impossible, as are erections, because of the inherent pleasure-reducing nature of the condom itself, especially for men who are used to intercourse without them. "Before my wife and I split," Eric J., of Bangor, MA told us, "I hadn't used a condom in ten years. Then we split and I started dating again and, naturally, started using condoms. To my horror, for the first year of being back on the market, every time I'd slip on a condom my erection would disappear, or worse, I'd keep it but never be able to climax."

For men who have Premature Ejaculation Syndrome, know that there is no scientific evidence it is caused by over-sensitive nerve endings in the penis, thus condoms are not a cure for that condition. In fact, studies have shown that men with PE have the same sensitivity in their penis that men without PE have.

"Thing is though," Daniel E., of Miami who has PE explained, "I have extended the amount of time I can have intercourse to the point where my PE is no longer an embarrassment thanks to condoms. They may not have cured me, but they sure have helped."—R.R.

By Neal Boulton at 1:13AM on August 31, 2013

Dian Hanson Strikes Again

It doesn't get much better than, well, anything Dian Hanson gets behind, or in front of. Whether breasts in the The Big Book of Breasts, cocks in The Big Penis Book, legs in The Big Book of Legs, or asses in The Big Butt Book—Hanson defines what Taschen does best: deliver indelible photography and erudite writing about intimate topics readers like us can't get enough of. What better way to close out her popular series? Yes—with her new female pudendum tome The Big Book of Pussy. On sale now and worth it.—N.B.

By Neal Boulton at 10:59AM on May 05, 2013

Assume the Position

Twister anyone? Our friend Les Fairchild conducted an interesting sexual position poll recently to a few hundred gay men that Kinsey would have just loved. It was a simple question.

What position do you find yourself in most often?

The answers: Bottom 32%,
Versatile 34.6%, Top 31%, and Other 2%. Now we all know that the group Other just want to get jackhammered all night. (BastardLife's favorite type of men—and women).

Interestingly, when we posed the same questions to 4,395 BastardLife readers, 62% of you claimed to be tops, 38% threesome bottoms, while a small 13% of you claimed to just be full blown oralaholics.—N.B.

By Neal Boulton at 11:19AM on March 01, 2013

One More Apple

Hot for teacher. "Ok, I've been wanting to get this off of my chest, or perhaps brag about it, for years. For over a decade in fact. When I was a student in a Swiss boarding school, I was much taller than all of my peers, always perceived as older, and one of only a few Americans on campus. All of the teachers there were young 20-something year olds from the States, working hard, but who also knew they had hit the big time by landing these teaching spots at such a prestigious institution.

The newer, and younger, teachers lived on campus and served as Prefects for the dormitories, usually living in the first room on the bottom floor of each villa. It was a coed school—the girls on one side of the campus, and the boys on the other. The classes were mixed—and to be honest, there was an enormous amount of hooking up.

It was assumed that we were high net worth children thus 'civilized,' so the supervision of us was quite lax. But it wasn't the other female students that the uptight European administration had to worry about—it was their very own staff they should have been watching.

Luckily for me, they weren't watching.

For my entire four years as a student in this wondrous southern Swiss-Italian town, I would lay in bed and wait for my roommate to fall asleep, then quietly sneak downstairs, go outside, and climb over the fence to the girl's side of the campus where my mistress and Algebra teacher, Palomina, lay waiting for me once a week. We risked everything carrying on as we did—her career, and my academic status (my family would have killed me had I been expelled from this school that ultimately was instrumental in getting me accepted into an Ivy League university).

But when I think back to my Switzerland days, I have the hottest memory of what were my first ever smells and tastes and intimate feelings of a woman. She will live in my soul forever—I will always be in love with her in some way in that teenage way.

Thankful, too.

One day, maybe I'll be able to deliver just one more apple."—Richard, R. Boston, MA

By Neal Boulton at 12:13PM on February 03, 2013

Born in the U.S.A.

America Swings by Naomi Harris. "These people are definitely having better sex than the rest of us."—Naomi Harris

In her first book (more like a giant and amazing tome actually), Naomi Harris, who has been published in Life, Fortune, Flaunt, and Heep magazines, presents us with the altnernative lifestyles of real Americans—without any glamour. But in doing so, Ms. Harris gives American sexuality a richer context and presents it, in it's raw beat up Levi jeans form, with even more sex appeal. Everyday folks, you might say, of all walks of life and desires live inside America Swings, thanks to Naomi, who celebrates without glorifying those who still make the most of life, liberty, and the pursuit of sexual happiness. On sale now and worth it.—N.B.

By Neal Boulton at 11:29AM on February 02, 2013

Is Sexuality Permanent?

Branded For Life? In BastardLife poll of 9,917 readers 48% of you identified yourselves as "bi now, gay later."

"Look," Susan from Redondo Beach, CA told us, "I'm newly single from my girlfriend of ten years. I had been with men on and off before I committed to a monogamous relationship with her, a monogamy I happily honored for all of those ten years I might add. Now that I'm single again, I have no shame shagging a guy from time to time—though my dream is to find another wondeful woman to settle down with. For some of the lesbians in my community, the fluidity of my sexuality is regarded as some form of Soviet defection. I remain unphased—and very sexually satisfied."

31% of you told us you identified as "gay now, bi by later."

Jason from Phoenix, AZ said, "I am deeply in love with my boyfriend. We've been together monogamously for about six years. I came out nearly twenty years ago as a gay man, mainly because in my small town if a man sleeps with a man, well, you're branded for life: as in gay, and gay forever. In my case though I am as equally attracted to women as I am to men. In my youth, I just assumed that I was gay, given that I had any feelings at all for men. But that all changed after I met women who I loved, and who loved me regardless of my bisexuality. In fact, I have had about as many female sexual partners as I have had male sexual partners. My story is simple: If I am in love with you, and if I am monogamous with you, then, I am with you. Sure, I've tried open relationships, but the jealousy, that thing we are hard-wired with, just gets to me after awhile and it proves too much. When it's all said and done, my boyfriend trusts in my monogamous commitment, and, being the gay man that he is, just tries not to gag when my head turns as a beautiful woman walks by."

A generous number of you echoed what Julia from Nashville, TN told us, "Good lord, if I told my girlfriend about my attraction to men, she'd lose it."—M.W.

By Neal Boulton at 5:01PM on February 08, 2011

The bedding contest

Sure sex is intriguing, but there's nothing like a contest, a raunchy one, so BastardLife reached out to five smokin' hot readers from around the country to see who could bed the highest number of people in the shortest amount of time using five different methods: the Internet, the bar, the public bathroom, the bath house, and the glory hole video arcarde. We weren't kidding about the raunch.

Michael, Houston, the Internet: "You see? This is what I hate about trolling Craig's List and ManHunt! Too many guys playing email tag, demanding more pictures, and stalling for an hour or so before telling me, "I'll pass." I did get laid though, three times, but it took me till about 3AM to do it—and as the hours got later, the guys got drunker and more high."

Suzan, New York, the bar: "Does anyone actually talk to each other, in person, anymore!? I mean, this is New York! But I only hooked up one time and it wasn't until 4AM. That's last call in NYC, so, yeah, I got the guy who basically found himself in my shoes: among tons of men, but none of them brave enough to make any moves. If only men were still men anymore!"

Gerald, Miami, the public bathroom: "I love my life. I live in a hotel town, and there is no place with more action than the hotel bathroom. I trolled inside three different spots and scored multiple times. I had a hunky married man while his wife was checking in for them in the lobby, another horny queer from the neighborhood like me, and a rugged older man who seemed to be trolling for men like me who were willing to service them—in bathrooms. But probably the best part of the escapade was the two twenty-somethings on vacation that I scored at the same time in a stall with a door that actually reached all the way to the floor, concealing all three sets of feet in the stall. Priceless."

Terrance, Washington, DC, the bathhouse: "Is it this town? Sadly, there was literally no one cruising or getting it on in this bathhouse. It's hard to admit, but I threw in the towel at 1AM—then went to my hotel to call my wife and jerk off alone."

David, San Francisco, CA, the glory hole video arcade: "If I hadn't left by 9PM it would have become absurd because at this particular spot you can both go into a booth without any hassles and get it on—which I did about 7 times. Any more and I would have felt like more of a slut than I clearly already am. I lucked out though because all of the cocks I had were on the large side, smooth, and kind of perfectly cut."

Harvey Milk would be proud.—C.D.

By Neal Boulton at 12:11PM on June 11, 2010

Gang bang

What's in a name? Jimmy loved Steven. But what Steven didn't realize when he lay back and let Jimmy take all of him was that he was also being loved by Michael, Jeffrey, Melinda, Thomas, William, Scott, Quentin, Lisa, David, Johhny, Wynton, Damon, Clara, Timothy, Zack, Edward, Zoe, Matthew, Paul, Brian, Elise, Stewart, Natalie, Fabio, Richard, Collin, Fred, Nelson, Garcia, Anthony, Carrie, Heather, Anderson, Mark, Lewis, Jerry, Sam, Jerome, Chris, Juliette, Vicky, Henry, James, Laura, Omar, Alex, Ken, and Tommy—men and women Jimmy had also had unprotected sex with over the past few years but lied about until the guilt got to him. After Steven tested negative, he exhaled a sigh of relief, then told us, "Making love with Jimmy was like one long quiet gang bang."—C.D.

By Neal Boulton at 10:08AM on April 20, 2010

This very inked planet

Pain me beautiful. Many of you have sent me phenomenal images of your naked, inked bodies. The women that is; and I thank you for that. After awhile, I began to compare yours from last week, to hers from this week; then hers from a month ago, to yours from last year. I was struck: each of you were so distinctly different. Why was that? The magazines all write about you, claiming to decipher what your ink reveals—but I saw no common denominators.

I had questions, so I called New York's consummate ink autour, Adam Suerte—founder of the now infamous Brooklyn Tattoo.

"The term, 'the average woman' is an oxymoron where ink is concerned," Adam told us. "Every woman is her own galaxy, but there are tattoos we do end up doing over and over again. That's not to say we do the same exact tattoo—but their are requests on subject matter we see very often from women like stars, butterflies, flowers, ladybugs, and birds."

As a species, Adam told us, "Women are naturally predesigned to take pain better than men—due to childbirth, some say, their pain tolerance is "god given." What's more, he said, "They sit better, and are every bit as ballsy as men as far as the amount of coverage is concerned."

In fact, Adam said, the women he has seen over the past few years "are not afraid to show off how much space they get covered on their body, and how much of it is visible."

I wasn't satisfied. A man gets a tattoo and it has significance. Men have that in common. Maybe as simple as something tough he wants you to see when he pulls up his beer at the bar. That's when Adam revealed the key. The magic ingredient that just may be the beginning to decifering what your ink says about you.

"Neal, it's about placement," he said, "and that placement is about making woman feel and look sexier. You see, when a woman is getting tattooed, she's thinking of how she will look with the tattoo naked; whereas a man's wondering how it's gonna look out on the street."

Back at my desk, I pulled out all of your amazing photographs—one was more beautiful than the next. Then I saw it: all the various sensual places on your nude bodies, all of the many natural patterns and designs. And while I may still not quite know just what makes your ink different than mine, one thing was for sure, I wanted more, because what I saw was ink that amplified all of the best qualites that make women the most unique species on this very inked planet.—N.B.

Brooklyn Tattoo, open now and worth it.

By Neal Boulton at 9:22PM on April 12, 2010

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