Bastard Life

The Suck Queen

Neal Boulton — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 07:40:00 -0800

Color Me Beautiful. "I am not a feminine gay man, nor is my husband of 13 years. We don't do drag or play dress up or camp around really at all. He is this tall, dark, and handsome Brazillian man with long thick hair that he slicks back. His body is that of a surfer-his cock that of a god. He lives to push me up against the wall by our pool, drop to his knees, look up to me, and devour my penis until I cum. But lately, he's turned me on even more by wearing black eyeliner and lipstick of all colors that his thick latin lips glide and grip my cock with as he sucks me off slowly-leaving me colorfully messy after, as if Marilyn Monroe must have left JFK. I laugh, because my man has turned into the hottest, buchest drag suck queen I've ever seen."-Elliot, Miami, FL.

To suck-or devour

Neal Boulton — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:57:33 -0700

“I want to learn to give head like a man,” she said. “Tell me how it’s different.” In a drunken moment of openness, I had told her about my bisexual past, a youthful experiment that I was growing out of in my early thirties. Usually, when I was trying to pick up women in bars, I kept this information to myself. A lot of women were turned off by a man who’d had sex with other men, but then, once in a while, the truth crept out, and luckily, this particular woman-Tracie was her name-was intrigued, wanted to know all about it, was obviously turned on by the very idea. I supposed that one of the reasons my secret had slipped out was because we were getting along so well, and my guard was down. We were both singing along animatedly when an old song by the Smiths came on the jukebox, and the topic of conversation had very casually taken a turn from the singer Morrissey’s alleged asexuality to sexual orientation in general.

When I’d admitted to having had bisexual experiences, she asked me whether men or women gave better blow jobs, and I said-because it’s generally true-that beyond a doubt, men do. A man knows what it feels like to receive a blow job, and so it’s obvious that a man would have a better instinct about how to give one. It was clear to me that this got Tracie’s feminist dander up. She was very competitive, she said, and thought she should be able to learn to do this as well as any man could, despite the drawback of not having a penis of her own. Besides that, she’d been told by men that she was very good at it, but as far as she knew, none of those men had ever gotten head from another man. So the challenge was on, and I took her back to my apartment to discuss it further.

It was a short walk from the Greenwich Village bar to my place in Chelsea. We laughed and flirted all the way up 7th Avenue, talking about our lives, getting to know one another. She was a copy editor, and I was a techie doing various types of freelance computer work from programming to web design. She was a native New Yorker, and I was originally from Alabama. Her father was South American, which explained the slightly ambiguous ethnicity that I found exotic and interesting about her. Along the way, we made fun of people we saw who were dressed poorly or acting bizarre, such as one typically sees on a Friday night in Manhattan. A casual observer would have thought we were old pals, would never have guessed that we just met an hour before in a bar. When I opened the door to my apartment, though, I immediately came back to the reason we were here-a lesson in giving a blow job like a man.

“First of all,” I told her as I flicked on the lights, “you have to really want it, and not like you want a piece of candy. It’s not a lollipop. You have to want it like you want a piece of steak. You have to be ravenous for it. Typically, women suck cock. Men devour it.”

“An interesting distinction,” she said. “But no teeth, of course...”-Robert Peregrine

Bastards we love

Neal Boulton — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 07:12:02 -0700

Atta Boy. "...COLIN Farrell wearing a T-shirt with the words "everything turns me on" at lunch with two male friends at Urth Cafe in Santa Monica."-Page Six

Democratic adoration

Neal Boulton — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 20:35:14 -0800

Men, not Metrosexuals, make a comeback. In a poll of over 2000 (out of the 80,000) of you who read BastardLife this week, over 72% voted Johnny Depp as your Man of the Year. We won't bore you with his competition-as you clearly don't see him as having much. Suffice it to say though that Brad Pitt was below fourth on your wish list. Stay tuned for tomorrow's Women of the Year results.-N.B.

Bi any other name

Neal Boulton — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 11:17:52 -0800

"It`s true - I am a bisexual. But I can`t deny that I`ve used that fact very well. I suppose it`s the best thing that ever happened to me. Fun, too."-David Bowie

And now, live from the world of Wikipedia:

"...Bisexual chic is a phrase sometimes used to describe the public acknowledgement of bisexuality among various segments of society. In some cases the phrase can be considered pejorative, when used to trivialize or dismiss genuine feelings of same-sex attraction, especially if those expressing these thoughts continue to exhibit otherwise hetero normative behaviors.

One usage of the phrase describes increased public interest in bisexuality, or increased social acceptance of bisexuality. This usage is usually associated with a celebrity coming out as bisexual or being labeled as bisexual, or with a high-profile reference to bisexuality in popular culture media, like a cover article of a magazine.

The other main usage describes a faddish attention towards bisexuality. This usage is also limited in scope, as it fails to provide relevant content of what it means to be bisexual, to give context to the legitimacy of bisexuality as an orientation, and even to convey a full understanding of bisexuality..."

People, is it more taboo to be bi than gay? The Wikipedia commentary of 'bisexual chic' is as confused as those who hate bi's think we are. Funny, because while the neighbors and colleagues all sat in judgement, or in their own confusion, or sighed at how confused they thought I must be-I was having the time of my life. Bi is real, gay is real, straight is real. And on Bastardlife, you can dip and dab in as many of them as you like. Be safe and enjoy.-N.B.

Done

Neal Boulton — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 14:51:25 -0800

"This is me, sleeping after an entire day, literally, of Sunday sex with my boyfriend."-Paulo, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

In a recession, just stay in bed!

Neal Boulton — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 17:59:17 -0800

Calvin Klein underwear. So hot all you'll want to do is take them off. Get your pair now.-N.B.

Special advertisement.

Leftovers

Neal Boulton — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 08:02:24 -0800

...are so delicious. We hope you'll enjoy your Thanksgiving leftovers as much as we will.-N.B.

Photograph by Brian Sloane.

Morning after music

Neal Boulton — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 05:29:02 -0800

Don't let the moment go. Take it in-and hold on.-N.B

After Ash and Mazzy Star, check out more morning after music right here, like Radio Head's Creep.

Sex on the beach

Neal Boulton — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 14:31:16 -0800

"I love the great outdoors. The sun beating down on my naked body as he leans down against me, taking me."-Anonymous