The only way you can climax when you make love is by thinking of your ex. Now what?
Q: My partner has no idea that the only way I can reach my orgasm is by closing my eyes, and imagining my ex is the one savagely making love to me. I feel guilty after. How can I shake off the past and be present for this person who cares so much about me?—Katrina, L
A: It takes time to fully let go with a new partner. You may not have been able to sustain a long term relationship with your ex, but that is not to say that the sex was not some of the best you've ever had. First, this is the kind of thing that requires restraint of pen and tongue; your partner need not know about this distraction, as it could be very hurtful. Second, it is very important that you search your soul, and your heart, to determine where your loyalties are. Sex may not be everything in a relationship, but it is a vulnerable time of intimacy that should be respected. And if you are not there, or present because you are thinking of someone else, it's not fair to your current partner to keep the charade going for too long.
Key Tip: However you have to, determine who you want to be with. Do not compromise—or judge yourself when you come to your conclusion. If your current partner is not satisfying you, confront that reality and take it seriously. If you are still in love with your ex, and sex is not satisfying with anyone else, you may want to make a phone call and see if there isn't some unfinished business that you need to address. Life is short—get what you want and need out of it now.—N.B.
