You have never had unprotected sex with him, but you want to and so does he. Now what?
Q: "I have been with the man I am dating for a year now. I always insist on a condom. He complies without any resistance, but I desperately want to feel him inside of me without one. I trust him so much and I trust his past. It sounds silly but when is it time to ditch the latex and go for it?"-Lisa, Mendocino, CA
A: There are several things to consider here. First, the obvious: Today, trust is not enough. I recommend getting tested together, just be sure that for each of you it has been at least three months since your last sexual encounter with anyone else. To attempt to insure that this is in fact the case, sit down and issue an amnesty policy with your partner. Make it clear that you need not know details or if or when he has been with others while you were together, but rather, without any judgement, you need him to simply give you a date—when you can both get tested accurately. Hopefully he will say, "I'm ready when you are." Second, make a commitment to get tested every three months after your joint negative results. STD examinations are quick, cheap, and painless. And When you make them as natural as the other exams you go through, it just becomes a way of healthy living.
Key Tip: Its wonderful to be vulnerable with someone you love. But protect the gift of your good health by instituting measures in your intimate relationship that insure your longevity.—N.B.
