You've been together for over a year now, she loves your stamina in bed, and she can't stop talking about how intimate and close she feels to you. If only she'd let you go down on her. Now what?
Q: I thought I had fallen in love a couple of times a few years back, but nothing compares to the strong feelings I have for my current girlfriend. I am seriously in love. Our intimate life is equally as strong. She's passionate and hot and adventurous, and I can't get enough of her. She also seems to just get rocked by everything we do—only, I want more. I want to blow her mind by going down on her but she just won't let it happen. How can I introduce her to this or at least get her to try?—R.T. Berkeley, CA.
A: Truth be told, not all women are comfortable with receiving oral sex. First, before we dispense the kind of advice that will help the two of you to introduce new things into your bed, consider for a moment that she may never demonstrate a desire for cunnilingus. Accepting that at the outset is key. To better understand this, make a list of the top five intimate activities you would never try—and think through why. Get it? Second, if you sense that her lack of desire for oral sex is due in part to past partners who put her feet to sleep, consider two things: one, before your clothes come off, sit down, or lay in bed, and talk about it, asking her if it was uncomfortable, boring, embarrassing? Two, listen to her, while interjecting your honest desire to pleasure her in this way, and why. Again, there is always a chance that she's just not that into it—but with honest and intimate communication, the door may open for experimentation.
Key Tip: Accept your partner's limitations first—without trying to persuade her otherwise—and open the intimate lines of communication to learn more about what does turn her on before the next time you make love.—N.B.
Photograph by Igor Amelkovich, on sale now and worth it.
