He sneaks in hours of porn when you are off at work or asleep. You don't get it. Now what?
Q: Lately, I wake up and my partner is not next to me in bed. I stagger down the stairs in the middle of the night to find him watching porn and masturbating. I offer to join him, but he turns it off and says he's tired and needs to get back to bed. I have no problem with him watching porn or masturbating or any of that, but how can I get him to include me in the fun? Frankly, it seems as though he's grown more interested porn than me.
A: Pornography is one of the least acknowledged American pastimes, despite how much it is thriving among couples. Odd, because pornography allows you to witness the kinds of sexual behavior that you either dream of, or have experienced, or plan to part take in, from the privacy of your own home. However, for some, pornography can replace their interest in the real thing. First, if you suspect this, sit your partner down and ask the tough questions: Are you becoming sort of obsessed with it? Are you getting more out of your porn orgasm than you are from those you have with me?!? Be sure to reinforce your lack of judgement of porn and masturbation. Second, examine the current state of your intimate life: Is it lacking in frequency? Has it become staid due to his lack of stamina, possibly because he is masturbating more often when you're not around?
Key Tip: Porn is fun, but do not turn a blind eye to the progressive nature of porn addiction. Consider ways of incorporating it into your bed life if it seems to be an integral part of his sexual desire. But do not underestimate the toxic nature of over exposure to pornography and its effects on the male libido, performance, and ability to be intimate with you.—N.B.
