Your wife is beautiful, sensual, sexy, and great in bed. She likes the lights out when you make love—but you need them on. Now what?
Q: I have the most beautiful wife on the planet. She's stunning. Seeing her naked is a giant turn for me and an integral part of my desire for her. But she comes from a very conservative and very religious background and will not keep any lights on when we make love. In the dark what I love about her body is confirmed; her breasts are perfect, and her body is slender and smooth. Even after a shower, she quickly robes up, then puts on a bra and panties in our bedroom, and before you know it this husband of 13 years has only gotten a peep instead of a good look at his wife naked. How can I bring her out of her shell?
A: Many couples report that they are intimate in the dark only, while others not only keep the lights bright, they film it and post it on YouPorn! It is common for women from intensely religious upbringings to be more conservative about their sexual behavior, but it is also possible for those feelings of guilt and shame to subside, leading to a more outgoing sexual life. First, understand that this may take time. You must methodically remind her of the beauty of your lovemaking, and all of the closeness that the very act of sex and intimacy brings to your relationship. It is important for her to understand how beautiful you feel she is, without objectifying her or separating your adoration from your deep feelings of closeness and your solid marriage. Second, you must communicate what you want in simple but loving terms so that she will understand that wanting to see and appreciate her body during sex is a way for you to satisfy your need to celebrate her beauty—not just get off.
Key Tip: Communicate what you want and make it clear that the beauty you want to celebrate and hold and see during lovemaking is the cornerstone of your love, desire, and respect for her.
