The Love drill. "I hate you, but I want to fuck you, and oh by the way—I love you more than anything." Ok this may not be exactly how it played out, but in a nutshell, this is how love, where vulnerability exists, can play out—especially during the holiday season.
The deeply in love know it: You know you'll never leave, but you say, "Fuck it," slam a door, grab your keys and your jacket and leave (for a couple of hours); You yell out angrily, "I wish we'd never met," then rip her clothes off or push her to the bed and proceed to have angry amazing sex that she thanks you for later; He screams, "I hate you, I really fucking hate you. And if you ever leave me, I'll really hate you," crying, accepting your tissue, then later your embrace.
What the deeply in love don't always know is how to fight fair; but those of you who did, helped us out.—N.B.
Curfew It: Becky from Quebec advises, "Don't let anger stay out past eight or nine O'clock. Being tired, and cranky, makes for cranky arguing that can turn mean unintentionally."
Bomb Shelter It. Tim from Miami writes, "OK, once you're in argument autopilot mode, at the very least, don't drop any bombshell announcements, pronouncements, or hurtful confessions. Save those for calmer happier times. Too much truth can be a nasty weapon."
Breathalize It. Vikki from Leeds says, "Reschedule the fight. Really. Stop it by saying, 'I am happy to have this fight with you, but I'll have to reschedule it for another time when you haven't been drinking.' Because, as we all know, a belly full of pints makes Johnny an angrier arguer."
Terminate It. Jason from LA wraps it up quite nicely with, "The more vulnerable and in love I am, the more intense I fight. But I make it a rule to get out the hard stuff about how I feel, rather than the easier finger pointing stuff that seems like it will lessen my embarrassment or fear due to being so vulnerable. When I force myself to talk about how my feelings were hurt, or how I felt stupid, or how vulnerable I feel, sure I feel like a pussy, but I don't wake up angry the next morning."
