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Straight, Gay, or Bi, Neal Boulton's BastardLife.com is the only online sex & relationships magazine for all of us.

Moral Greatness?

Neal Boulton

In a BastardLife poll of 7,129 readers, 41% of you told us that you're in monogamous relationships and refrain from broaching the subject of the open marriage you want for fear it will destroy the marriage. 

"Every time I fantasize about how much better an open relationship would be for," Laura from Greenwich said, "I get stuck on how I can't even bring it up. My girlfriend would be completely wrecked by knowing I want that. In fact, I don't think she'd ever trust me again simply knowing I've been fantasizing about it."

"It's such a gay cliché to moan about monogamy," Richard laughed and told us. "I didn't think there was any moral greatness to monogamy, but then I met my partner. I fell so hard for him that being with anyone else never crossed my mind. But several years into it has me wanting to see other men. I'm not some sex fiend, I'm just one of those people who is not disturbed by open relationships; he, however, is. As a result, I've been seeing other men on the side, safely. I don't know if he is doing the same or not, but I sort of wish he were, actually. One of these days I'll find a way to bring it up, just not today."

"I've lost a lot of what seemed like they would be great girlfriends, "David of Miami said," and maybe even wives by laying out there early on that I have no interest in monogamy. The good thing is that it never hurt my chances on a Saturday night with single women who like to boast they could never settle down either. I'm glad I waited though, because I ended up meeting someone who I married because she also wanted an open relationship. We've been together for over 15 years."—N.B.

By Neal Boulton at 4:06PM on April 30, 2014

Working For It

No one addresses this aspect of monogamy: you have to earn it. I'm not referring to trust here. I'm referring to the way in which my sexual needs must be met in order for me to agree to it. In my case it means you need to go down on me first, slip one, maybe two fingers inside of me while you're doing that and make me cum—hard. Then, and only then, plunge your cock into me. If you do this, I will climax many more times that night, and so will you. This I know. But that's just me. Monogamy isn't just something we do because it's socially correct. It's something we do if you and I remove the need for us to have sex with other people."

Elizabeth R., San Francisco, CA

By Neal Boulton at 5:54PM on March 23, 2014

Two & One

Neal Boulton

In your threesome, all you want to do is keep going with her. But you fear your boyfriend is getting jealous. Now what?

Q: I'm a bisexual man, and so is my boyfriend. We are lucky to have one of the hottest women I have ever seen in our threesome. Problem is, I've been greedy, and not interested in sharing her with him. I have to work hard to employ my manners and yield so that my boyfriend can have more time with me and her when we three are having sex. How can I negotiate this one?—David E., New York City

A: Yes, bisexuality is fun, but to live a bisexual life, and to have threesomes that include someone with whom you are in a long-term relationship guarantees one thing no matter how evolved you are: jealousy. 

The good news? Like with any emotion, or feeling that is part of sexual negotiation, communication is the great elixir—if you abandon all judgement.

First, a few days before the next sexual encounter—not during sex, and not while everyone is getting undressed—sit down and bring up what you are experiencing in a non-threatening way.

Second, find out what he is experiencing. Is he actually jealous? Turned off? Not as into it as you? Maybe he wants to be with her longer, too. Let's face it—intercourse feels good, no matter how polite you are, so of course it's hard to stop.

Finally, work out your threesome rules, and a plan, and stick to it. Agree on either a physical or verbal way to let each other know when it's time to switch positions—and don't break those rules. 

Key Tip: Jealousy is par for the bisexual course, but something that with some agreements up front can be tempered so that you can all have a great time and less stress later.—C.D.

By Neal Boulton at 5:53PM on March 23, 2014

Fucking Foods

Yes, you can eat your way to a better orgasm. But not just that way; rather, with foods that intensify lubrication for women, and circulation for harder erections for men. 

This vitamin E-packed treat enables your body churn out hormones like testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone, which circulate in your bloodstream and strengthen sexual responses like clitoral swelling and vaginal lubrication.

Hot Chilies
Capsaicin, a chemical found in hot peppers, intensifies circulation to get your blood pumping and stimulate your nerve endings so you'll feel more—and thus, more turned on.

Sure this phallus-shaped fruit makes you think about him, but another reason to savor them is because bananas deliver potassium, a nutrient key to muscle strength. So when you orgasm, the contractions will be super intense.

A sex cliché? Yep, but for good reasons: Oysters can absolutely get you in the mood. How? These sensual shellfish are brimming with zinc, a mineral that cranks up the production of testosterone, which has been linked to a higher sex drive.

Cocoa contains a chemical called phenylethylamine, which is a stimulant that instills the warm kinds of feelings that create sexual desire.

Red Wine
Unlike beer or hard liquor, which can reduce sexual performance, red wine contains resveratrol, an antioxidant that helps boost blood flow and improves circulation before and during intercourse.

The pomegranate's sexual power comes from its antioxidants, which protect the lining of blood vessels, allowing more blood to course through them. How do you benefit? Increased genital sensitivity.

Whether with cream cheese in the morning or as a steak for dinner, this healthy fish is packed with omega-3 fatty acids, which keep sex-hormone production at its peak.

Dont' feel guilty about those late night ice cream sessions. When what your devouring is flavored with this sweet bean it can mildly stimulate your nerves, intensifying sexual sensations.

What makes these foods even better? Letting your naked partner feed them to you.—R.T.

By Neal Boulton at 5:51PM on March 23, 2014

Good Technique?

I take full responsibility for my orgasm; if I'm having sex with a woman, I make sure to guide her to the ways to give me one. If she's not getting it, I speak up and make sure she does, "Here, harder there, like that, yeah, there, don't stop." I'm not a bitch about it, but I make sure I walk away happy—and that she does, too. Sure, good sex is about good technique, but I can promise you it's far more about good communication."

Carla F., New York City

By Neal Boulton at 3:29PM on January 15, 2014

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