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Straight, Gay, or Bi, Neal Boulton's BastardLife.com is the only online sex & relationships magazine for all of us.

Working For It


No one addresses this aspect of monogamy: you have to earn it. I'm not referring to trust here. I'm referring to the way in which my sexual needs must be met in order for me to agree to it. In my case it means you need to go down on me first, slip one, maybe two fingers inside of me while you're doing that and make me cum—hard. Then, and only then, plunge your cock into me. If you do this, I will climax many more times that night, and so will you. This I know. But that's just me. Monogamy isn't just something we do because it's socially correct. It's something we do if you and I remove the need for us to have sex with other people."

Elizabeth R., San Francisco, CA

By Neal Boulton at 5:54PM on March 23, 2014

Two & One

Neal Boulton

In your threesome, all you want to do is keep going with her. But you fear your boyfriend is getting jealous. Now what?

Q: I'm a bisexual man, and so is my boyfriend. We are lucky to have one of the hottest women I have ever seen in our threesome. Problem is, I've been greedy, and not interested in sharing her with him. I have to work hard to employ my manners and yield so that my boyfriend can have more time with me and her when we three are having sex. How can I negotiate this one?—David E., New York City

A: Yes, bisexuality is fun, but to live a bisexual life, and to have threesomes that include someone with whom you are in a long-term relationship guarantees one thing no matter how evolved you are: jealousy. 

The good news? Like with any emotion, or feeling that is part of sexual negotiation, communication is the great elixir—if you abandon all judgement.

First, a few days before the next sexual encounter—not during sex, and not while everyone is getting undressed—sit down and bring up what you are experiencing in a non-threatening way.

Second, find out what he is experiencing. Is he actually jealous? Turned off? Not as into it as you? Maybe he wants to be with her longer, too. Let's face it—intercourse feels good, no matter how polite you are, so of course it's hard to stop.

Finally, work out your threesome rules, and a plan, and stick to it. Agree on either a physical or verbal way to let each other know when it's time to switch positions—and don't break those rules. 

Key Tip: Jealousy is par for the bisexual course, but something that with some agreements up front can be tempered so that you can all have a great time and less stress later.—C.D.

By Neal Boulton at 5:53PM on March 23, 2014

Fucking Foods

Yes, you can eat your way to a better orgasm. But not just that way; rather, with foods that intensify lubrication for women, and circulation for harder erections for men. 

Avacados
This vitamin E-packed treat enables your body churn out hormones like testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone, which circulate in your bloodstream and strengthen sexual responses like clitoral swelling and vaginal lubrication.

Hot Chilies
Capsaicin, a chemical found in hot peppers, intensifies circulation to get your blood pumping and stimulate your nerve endings so you'll feel more—and thus, more turned on.

Bananas
Sure this phallus-shaped fruit makes you think about him, but another reason to savor them is because bananas deliver potassium, a nutrient key to muscle strength. So when you orgasm, the contractions will be super intense.

Oysters
A sex cliché? Yep, but for good reasons: Oysters can absolutely get you in the mood. How? These sensual shellfish are brimming with zinc, a mineral that cranks up the production of testosterone, which has been linked to a higher sex drive.

Chocolate
Cocoa contains a chemical called phenylethylamine, which is a stimulant that instills the warm kinds of feelings that create sexual desire.

Red Wine
Unlike beer or hard liquor, which can reduce sexual performance, red wine contains resveratrol, an antioxidant that helps boost blood flow and improves circulation before and during intercourse.

Pomegranates
The pomegranate's sexual power comes from its antioxidants, which protect the lining of blood vessels, allowing more blood to course through them. How do you benefit? Increased genital sensitivity.

Salmon
Whether with cream cheese in the morning or as a steak for dinner, this healthy fish is packed with omega-3 fatty acids, which keep sex-hormone production at its peak.

Vanilla
Dont' feel guilty about those late night ice cream sessions. When what your devouring is flavored with this sweet bean it can mildly stimulate your nerves, intensifying sexual sensations.

What makes these foods even better? Letting your naked partner feed them to you.—R.T.

By Neal Boulton at 5:51PM on March 23, 2014

Good Technique?


I take full responsibility for my orgasm; if I'm having sex with a woman, I make sure to guide her to the ways to give me one. If she's not getting it, I speak up and make sure she does, "Here, harder there, like that, yeah, there, don't stop." I'm not a bitch about it, but I make sure I walk away happy—and that she does, too. Sure, good sex is about good technique, but I can promise you it's far more about good communication."

Carla F., New York City

By Neal Boulton at 3:29PM on January 15, 2014

Field Research

By Neal Boulton at 6:53PM on December 27, 2013

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