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Straight, Gay, or Bi, Neal Boulton's BastardLife.com is the only online sex & relationships magazine for all of us.

An Apple a Day

Neal Boulton

Daily Doses. My girlfriend and I have been married for a long time and there have been years in which we were intimate often, then in which we weren't much at all. During the weeks when we weren't having enough sex, one of us, or both of us, would get grumpy and we'd usually end up being short and snippy with each other or arguing about something stupid. A distance would grow between us.

Eventually, we got it—and now we don't go a day without being intimate in some way. It doesn't have to be full on, but we make sure we at least fool around or make out on the couch, or lay in bed naked, caressing each other or running our hands through our hair while we talk before falling asleep. The good news is that most of this intimacy does lead to astonishing sex.

I once leaned in and asked my brother who is a doctor how he keeps it so alive and happy with his wife. He grinned and winked and said, "Well, an apple a day..."

Amen—Wendy, Bakersfield, CA

By Neal Boulton at 7:11PM on October 19, 2013

Orgasm Obstacles

An End to Sex Stress. In a poll of 6,307 male BastardLife readers, 47% of you told us you'd found a couple of pretty successful ways to delay your orgasm. "I used to cum a few minutes after she and I would start," Michael from Austin told us, "but over the years, I've found I can go longer if I try different things, like pulling out a little before I feel like I'm getting close and going down on her, giving her a sweet orgasm orally, while I calm down enough to go another round."

Troy from San Fransisco said, "I used to be a little too obsessed with how I thought women wanted me to perform in bed. I just assumed that women wanted me to pound away for an hour or so, which for me, is impossible. On top of that, the pressure to perform that way stressed me out to the point that during intercourse, I'd be so preoccupied with how long I was fucking that all I did was think about cumming—which would make me want to cum even sooner. That's when I got so fed up I just decided to try something new. I initiated a game to see how many positions we could try—and as soon as I felt like I might be close to cumming, I'd suggest a new position, or with the girls who seemed cool to just follow my lead, I'd simply put them in as many positions as I felt like. The sex was more fun, and because I was stopping and starting before each new position, I lasted much longer."

"The stress of cumming too quickly really got to me during sex and definitely threw me off my game," Paul of Dallas shared. "I even thought I had some kind of a problem at one point until I started a new approach, one that the women I have been sleeping with seem to like because I've been invited back several times. In short—I make sure they cum once or twice well before I do. For some women, usually women who are used to being on top and who only prefer a long session of jackhammering, this has not worked. But for the majority of my bed mates, it has. Oral sex is a huge part my technique, but with a twist. I ask her to suck me, but while she's doing it, I tell her to touch herself. Nothing is hotter than seeing a woman sucking me while she is making herself cum. And after her orgasm, I slowly begin intercourse, ideally while she is still cumming. Most of the time from what I've been told during sex, doing this makes her cum harder and even longer than she usually does. At times I cum relatively soon after this, which because she has just cum, hard, and in a really hot way, doesn't bother her at all because I tell her we can do it all over again as soon as I am able in twenty minutes or so."

A small percentage of you echoed what Brett from New York told us, "Sometimes I cum fast and sometimes I don't, women just need to get over it and realize men cum faster than they do. If you're patient, we can go another round. If you're not, well, it's your loss."—N.B.

By Neal Boulton at 12:37AM on September 25, 2013

Human rights

You enjoy masturbating in the morning. It's your one quiet private pleasure. But he doesn't get it. Now what?

Q: I find masturbating a soothing and calming activity that centers me for the day. I have a great sex life with my husband, but he doesn't like knowing that I still pleasure myself alone. I think he thinks I turn into some kind of inert mannequin with no human desires—beyond him—after he has sex with me. In fact, he often says, "We just had sex last night, why would you need to do that!?!"—Elizabeth, Greenwich, CT.

A: Chances are your partner is feeling insecure about your level of sexual satisfaction. His ego may be bruised suspecting he is not pleasuring you properly or sufficiently. First, be honest with yourself; masturbating is a great form of tension release and an even better form of pleasure, but if you are not getting what you need, search those feelings and make sure to ask for what you want in bed. Second, make it clear how happy you are with your partner's sexual range and ability to pleasure you well before the next time you are both intimate. Communicate how this is about you deepening your private time away from family, home, and work, and not a compensation for something lacking in your life.

Key Tip: You're not a mannequin, you're human—and it's your right to have your orgasm any way, any how, and any time you want it.—N.B.

By Neal Boulton at 12:36AM on September 25, 2013

Care Less Sex?

Hard Choices. In a poll of 3,139 female BastardLife readers, 41% of you said you put sex first. "He was well off, well endowed," Melinda G., of New York told us, "but not well skilled in bed. After awhile, the fabulous apartment and all the trappings just weren't enough for me so I moved on. My mother called me a fool. If she's right, then I'm a fool who's been having orgasms every since."

Bill R., of West Hollywood said, "Sometimes a hot body and a stunning cock just isn't enough, especially when he doesn't know what to do with it—or you. I was dating a man who was the envy of all of my friends. We lived in the perfect house, had perfect jobs, and more money than we knew what to do with. We were the perfect looking couple, like we belonged together. But after two years of it not being even close to perfect in bed, I broke up with him. My new boyfriend and I have something better than care less sex, we have intimacy. Intimacy that has nothing to do with his cock size, peck size, or his paycheck."

"My girlfriend was literally the most loyal person I'd ever met," Jennifer T., of Dallas, TX., told us, "a true best friend. As a lover though I was always left secretly longing for more. I was never satisfied. For several years I felt horribly guilty about this. I grew more and more isolated from my friends and family because I was sure they would accuse me of being superficial and shallow because I always contemplated taking up a mistress or even leaving the relationship because of the sex. Eventually I did step out of the relationship, which only made me feel more guilting, until I began to experience both the friendship and the sex I was craving. It was hard to leave her, but ultimately I did and have been happily monogamous with my current girlfriend for nearly five years because of it."—C.D.

By Neal Boulton at 12:34AM on September 25, 2013

I Was One of Them

You're ok with you boyfriend seeing other people. You've got a few every so often on the side as well. Now what?

Q: My boyfriend and I see other guys from time to time on the side, even though we’ve been a happy couple for over five years. Does this mean we are having an open relationship or just a normal gay couple?—Dave H., Tampa, FL.

A: Judging by an online poll of 4,312 BastardLife readers one might think that your relationship is the new normal.

63% of you told us that you’d been with your current boyfriend for over a year and that each of you was allowed to see other people.

Julian from Miami said, “Most of the time we are intimate with each other, but there are times that we venture out of our relationship and hook up with others. It’s just not that big of a deal with us.”

Stephen from Sarasota told us, “Sometimes when we talk about the other men we are with it makes our time in bed even hotter. A great remedy for jealously.”

Richard from Pensacola said, “Straight people are always cheating on each other. I accept that there will be times my boyfriend and I stray. Instead of letting it ruin our relationship, we let it make it hotter: if his boyfriend on the side is good enough, my partner will bring him in for a threesome. We call it healthy sharing.”

27% of you told us that you wished the men you dated were more accepting of open relationships. Danny from Siesta Key said, “I think it’s impossible for men to be monogamous—including those men who forbid their partners from cheating. Yep, they’re cheating, too. I should know, I was one of them.”

Key Tip: Don't fight human nature, work with it.—N.B.

By Neal Boulton at 1:14AM on August 31, 2013

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