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Straight, Gay, or Bi, Neal Boulton's BastardLife.com is the only online sex & relationships magazine for all of us.


I would have talked dirty to you last night—but your pussy felt so good I was speechless."

Steve K., Iowa City, IO in an text message to his wife

By Neal Boulton at 8:52AM on March 23, 2011

Boot camp for cock

Jack'd. Studies show that the higher the concentration of fat in a man's body, the lower his testosterone level—the active agent of his libido—will be. And a lower testosterone level leads to only one thing: softer erections. How can you pump up your testosterone level and your sexual stamina?  Full body, free weight workouts every other day in conjuntion with consuming 5-6 small meals a day of food high in fiber to keep your appetite in check, and high in protein to provide you with the necessary nutrition for muscle sustenance and growth. The kind of growth that will be the key to raising your testosterone levels and jacking up your ability to get it and keep it harder longer.—R.T.

By Neal Boulton at 7:21PM on March 08, 2011

Reoccurring fantasy

Armed and dangerous. At BastardLife, we celebrate life, liberty, and the pursuit of sexual happiness, which is why I have a reoccuring fantasy. When I read the letters you've sent to me about your abusive partners or your violent encounters, I imagine jamming the barrel of the gun above into the mouth of your perpetrator—until he mumbles the words, "I will never do that again." Why such a harsh fantasy? The statistics on intimate violence are still way too high in America. So while you may not have a gun, I do recommend you get armed and dangerous—with the facts about the threats around all of us.—N.B.

Murder. In 2008, 1,181 women were murdered by an intimate partner. That's an average of three women every day. Of all the women murdered in the U.S., about one-third were killed by an intimate partner.

Domestic Violence. Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. According to the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, women experience about 4.8 million intimate partner-related physical assaults and rapes every year. Less than 20 percent of battered women sought medical treatment following an injury.

Sexual Violence. According to the National Crime Victimization Survey, which includes crimes that were not reported to the police, 232,960 women in the U.S. were raped or sexually assaulted in 2009. That's more than 600 women every day. Other estimates, such as those generated by the FBI, are much lower because they rely on data from law enforcement agencies. A significant number of crimes are never even reported for reasons that include the victim's feeling that nothing can or will be done and the personal nature of the incident.

The Targets. Young women, low-income women and some minorities are disproportionately victims of domestic violence and rape. Women ages 20-24 are at greatest risk of nonfatal domestic violence, and women age 24 and under suffer from the highest rates of rape. The Justice Department estimates that one in five women will experience rape or attempted rape during their college years, and that less than five percent of these rapes will be reported. Income is also a factor: the poorer the household, the higher the rate of domestic violence—with women in the lowest income category experiencing more than six times the rate of nonfatal intimate partner violence as compared to women in the highest income category. When we consider race, we see that African-American women face higher rates of domestic violence than white women, and American-Indian women are victimized at a rate more than double that of women of other races.

Same Sex Violence. According to the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, "domestic violence affecting LGBT individuals continues to be grossly underreported . . . there is a lack of awareness and denial about the existence of this type of violence and its impact, both by LGBT people and non-LGBT people alike." Myths regarding gender roles perpetuate the silence surrounding these abusive relationships; for example, the belief that there aren't abusive lesbian relationships because women don't abuse each other. Shelters are often unequipped to handle the needs of lesbians (as a women-only shelter isn't much defense against a female abuser), and transgendered individuals. Shockingly, statistics regarding domestic violence against LGBT people are still unavailable at the national level, but as regional studies demonstrate, domestic violence is as much a problem within LGBT communities as it is among heterosexual ones.

Key Tip. If you sense danger, don't ignore it.

By Neal Boulton at 5:30PM on March 03, 2011

First timers

You've never had anal intercourse but you crave it quite often. Now what?

Q: I associate anal sex with being gay or contracting diseases; yet, I often fantasize about doing it. So far, I never have. I don't consider myself gay—I have a bisexual girlfriend who is always telling me I should try it. I think I'm ready. What advice can you give a first timer?

A: For most men, whether they know it or not, the anal area is an important erogenous zone because of both the dense concentration of nerve endings around the anal area and the close proximity of the prostate glad to the anal opening. The fact of the matter is, straight, gay, or bisexual, this sensitive area, one which heightens sexual pleasure and intensifies orgasms, might as well be considered the male G-Spot. But how do you get started?

In a poll of 5,000 male BastardLife readers, 43% of you told us that the most pleasurable way to begin stimulating the anus is by lightly touching your partner or having your partner touch you around the anal area while performing oral sex.

James from Portland suggested, "Slowly massage the area with your fingers (be sure to have trimmed nails) and see how your partner reacts. If he seems comfortable, then explore a little and deeper."

Craig from St. Louis told us, "Make sure your fingers are well lubricated. Use ample saliva or lubricants like K-Y [Brand] Jelly. As you move in little by little, slowly, be sure to read his body language every step of the way and you will know how much further to continue going."

Anal intercourse may take quite some time to ease into. In fact, 32% of you told us that your first time was not on your first try.

"It took me more than a few tries," Michael from Chicago said, "so be patient with yourself. But once I was relaxed and ready, making darn sure his penis was highly lubricated, I went for it. He inserted himself into me very slowly, and even then I was only able to handle being penetrated partially, which during my orgasm still felt utterly amazing."

A lot of you, 52%, wondered how to prepare hygenically for anal sex.

Tom from Quebec suggested, "Using a simple over the counter Fleet [Brand] enema is really helpful if you're a bottom because it gives you a confidence that you are tidy and ready for anal sexual activity."

Joseph from Vermot added, "Make sure to clean the anus thoroughly with hot, soapy water before any anal activities. I took a warm bath before. You can even use a finger to massage soapy water slightly inside the rim of the anus. This will also help to relax the outer muscles of the sphincter."

46% of you reported an enjoyable experience once you were comfortable enough to go ahead with anal intercourse.

Steven from St. Cloud said, "On the second time my partner and I were together we went all the way—the more I let him in, both the easier and deeper it was. When I climaxed, it blew my mind."

Paul from New York added, "Just as a slow insertion was important, so to was a gradual withdrawal. If you're a top, pulling out too fast can be very painful for your partner so take it slowly for them."

We all know by now, but it cannot be emphasized enough that protecting yourself by using a condom during anal sex is very important. If one of the partners is infected with a sexually transmitted ailment, the likelihood of contracting it increases much more via anal sex because rectal tissues are more easily torn and viruses penetrate faster than from vaginal tissues.

Key Tip: Take your time, be safe, and have fun.—N.B.

By Neal Boulton at 9:42PM on February 19, 2011

The art of the fight

The love dance. The deeply in love know it all too well: You say things like, "Fuck it," slam a door, grab your keys and leave (for a couple of hours); You yell out angrily, "I wish we'd never met," then rip her clothes off and proceed to have amazing angry sex that she thanks you for later; He screams, "I hate you, I really fucking hate you and if you ever leave me, I'll kill you," as he cries, accepting your tissue, then later your embrace. What the deeply in love don't always know is how to fight fair; but those of you who did, helped us out.—N.B.

Curfew It: Becky from Quebec advises, "Don't let anger stay out past eight or nine O'clock. Being tired, and cranky, makes for cranky arguing that can turn mean unintentionally."

Bomb Shelter It. Tim from Miami writes, "OK, once you're in argument autopilot mode, at the very least, don't drop any bombshell announcements, pronouncements, or hurtful confessions. Save those for calmer happier times. Too much truth can be a nasty weapon."

Breathalize It. Vikki from Leeds says, "Reschedule the fight. Really. Stop it by saying, 'I am happy to have this fight with you, but I'll have to reschedule it for another time when you haven't been drinking.' Because, as we all know, a belly full of pints makes Johnny an angrier arguer."

Terminate It. Jason from LA wraps it up quite nicely with, "The more vulnerable and in love I am, the more intense I fight. But I make it a rule to get out the hard stuff about how I feel, rather than the easier finger pointing stuff that seems like it will lessen my embarrassment or fear due to being so vulnerable. When I force myself to talk about how my feelings were hurt, or how I felt stupid, or how vulnerable I feel, sure I feel like a pussy, but I don't wake up angry the next morning."

By Neal Boulton at 11:29PM on February 16, 2011

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